I just got a phone call from my mirror souled creative other-half who I haven't heard from since the Great Departure of 2010. Such joy from hearing his voice over my little iphone, but so much anxiety talking about the incident that I actually started shaking. I thought I was over this. Well, OK, I knew I wasn't over it, but I thought I'd at least started to move past it. Anger is a funny thing. I compared this incident to breaking up with a love, but it is different, seated deeper than that. Hanging up the phone, I realized that my old friends, depression and darkness had invited themselves in for the evening. I've had break-ups that were easier to cope with than this. The snake that you don't even hear. Feeling his fangs pierce your skin, your world spins more slowly. It doesn't happen instantly, this little guy has other plans. Meandering through your veins, taking it's sweet-ass time, the venom seeps through your arm, then your leg. Time seems to stop, and then it finally reaches your chest. You feel the pulling, and tightening. It may not be enough to kill you once the when some of venom has been sucked out as if it were part of a great tormenting exorcism.
Months pass, the bruising finally heals, the scabs come off, and you start to exit the shadows, in the darkness that you have become. Still shaking and sweating, you realize you will make it through, but you may never look at the world quite the same way again, and the world will never see you in quite the same way either. No longer poisoned, but still tainted.
This event. This thing. It is sticking to me. I called another good friend from the same space, and realized while on the phone that I have closed off my world from what it was before, making it as small, and warm as possible to combat my inner anger. Was this healthy, was this really the right thing to do? I still get txts from people seeing me on Speed Channel or HDTV Theater, from before the year changed seasons, ironically letting in more light, which seemed to be the opposite of my life at the time. Now that the seasons are changing again, darkness seams oddly inappropriate, welcome, but not where I am moving.
Maybe it's time to actually step back outside, back into my previous life. Maybe not.
I have made some good progress on the Sherpa skirt, but now feel so distracted that I have become sidelined to the rest of the day. My focus gone, elated to hear from my friend on the phone, anxious about the past, and now, again, the future, I leave you with my Lada Gaga Meat Dress Halloween Costume.
Inspiration from a Lady who keeps her personal life private in the fish-bowl that surrounds her, and lives through art both of her own creation and of others. She may seem like only an outlandish pop-star, but she is courage in physical form. My—somewhat silly—tribute to you.
And, depression and anxiety, a message to you: You can suck-it. I'm too good for you now. I don't know why you can't see that. Bitterness, you can suck-it, too.
As my D200 camera battery is dead, and I have conveniently lost its charger, these photos are courtesy of friends. Neither show the shoes well, which were the best part. You win some, you loose some. At least someone remembered to take pictures. The police hat is courtesy of my friend Sarah, who also dressed up as a stripper police officer. You can see my "steak" hat in the picture of Ramon Stan and me.
PS - I apologize for the cryptic nature of this post. It's better this way.
Being in Kentucky for the last week gave me a lot of time to think about things, but no time for sewing.
I am, admittedly, extremely disappointed with Churchill Downs. $80 a ticket gets you a spot on a cold, metal bench—the weather was also only 40°F—next to some beer swillers strikingly reminiscent of Nascar fans, and absolutely zero view. Your also left to walk 2 miles to your car, unless you want to pay $15 per person, each way for the shuttle bus, to go those said 2 miles, after you've already paid $20 to park. We left early on Friday, watching the remainder of the races from a really great bar just over the Ohio river in Jeffersonville, Indiana. The seats, drinks, and company were all leaps and bounds above the experience at the track.
Perhaps my expectations were just too high. I've been to Kentucky before, but had spent most of my time in Lexington. Even though it was only a short, short amount of time, I feel in love with Lexington, and I though Kentucky. After driving across the US and back, twice, we found the best hospitality in Lexington. It is true that people are much more friendly as soon as you get outside of California—I'm not a hater, I love California, but in California people do not say "Good Morning" to you as you pass them on the street, they don't even make eye-contact with you—but there is something special and supremely friendly about Lexington. The last time we were there, I was ready to buy a fantastic house and buy a horse. I thought that these were my people.
Well, I quickly learned that Louisville is not Lexington. There are hardly any horses, or friendly people. I did see a house with at least 12—yes, I counted—broken down Camaros on the front and back lawn, and two separate Jesuses on the front lawn in vertical bathtub houses, I assume to protect him from the snow?
Ramon flew back on Sunday, and my mom and I drove on to Lexington from there. Well, there she was, the beautiful, and friendly town that I'd remembered. Wow, the people are just so friendly there and it is beautiful with its proud fall colors. My mom and I went to Keenland, and then to the Kentucky Horse Park, followed by the Fasig-Tipton auction, were we saw fillies and mares being auctioned who actually just ran, and won races at the Breeders Cup at Churchill Downs two days prior. While we couldn't see them from our "seats" at the track, we saw them up-close as they sold for extremely hefty bids at the most amazing horse facility I had ever seen.
Sold for $1.95m!
An excited filly at the Keenland Auction. Note how when the video begins all four of the horse's legs are off the ground.
That night we went to the well known Malone's Steakhouse, had steak that rivaled Peter Lugars in Brooklyn, delicious bourbon drinks, and then ran, literally, into Bob Baffert as we fumbled through the rotating door as we were leaving. He giggled at us. We were clearly having a good time.
On Day 2 in Lexington we went to Lanes End as they were having an open house in the Stallion barn. I actually got to meet, and pet Curlin like was a pet, even though he is the most money winning race-horse of all time, and two-time horse of the year. He stands stud at Lanes End now, and his first weanlings are just coming on the auction block. We saw a few at Keenland and at Fasig-Tipton. Just amazing, and beautiful to see him up close after watching him race. He was like a freight-train on the track. He just kept on coming, and nothing was gonna get in his way.
While Curlin doesn't get the win in one—one of the few—this is on of the most amazing races of my time, and a good display of his amazing ability.
While I was busy horsing around not only in Kentucky, but in the days before the trip began, I didn't have time to finish the blue sweater dress before departing, which actually worked out, unexpectedly, for the best. It was way, way to cold in Louisville to be wearing anything to Churchill Downs but thermal pants under jeans, furry snow-boots, two long-sleeved thermal shirts, a sweater, a hoodie, and a fuzzy mountain-hardware jacket, along with a leather and faux-fur, ear-flap hat, and an umbrella. Given that the blue sweater dress was so closed to being finished (only two sleeves to go), I elected not to take it to the blue-grass state at all. To much bulk in my beautiful DVF handbag, which was my singular carry-on item. I know, I can't believe it either. Instead, I decided to take an entirely new project, which is more the color of the limestone rock, gray, which is, oddly enough what causes the grass in Kentucky to have that famous blue hue.
Using my airplane friendly bamboo size 5, 29 inch circular needles, I cast on the sweater front at the airport, and even though we had less than 20 minutes on our layover at Chicago, Midway, I had the sweater through to the first few bodice increase stitches by the time we got off the plane in Louisville. To my mom's horror, I did it all while reading a book—it was a fluff book, The Carrie Diaries.
By Saturday the entire front side was completed, and I'd moved onto the back-side. Last night I finished the ribbing on the neck. And, even though I haven't even started the sleeves yet, I stitched the shoulders and sides together, to test the fit, anyway. I just couldn't help myself, and I am super happy with it!
I have named this sweater the Lexington Sweater for obvious reasons, even though it is very clearly based off of a Theory sweater currently at Neimans.
Ok, so I am not ready to move to Kentucky by any stretch of the imagination, but I did have an amazing trip, and I loved spending the time with my mom and Ramon, even though Ramon only participated in the shitty end of the trip. I am now feeling extremely behind in my Patternmaking class, but it is well worth it for—oh God this is corny, but still true—the memories that we shared on our vacation.
Now it is time to get back down to business. I am rounding up some Halloween pictures, so there will be a less horsey, more "horrific" post coming later today. My Bernina has a fine layer of dust on it too. That has GOT to go!
Because I am not a diamond fan, as I have worked in the diamond industry, I don't own any real ones, except for the one in my nose, or really any fake ones. I have one fake engagement ring, for when I travel alone, and a pair of diamond hoops, fake, of course.
Halloween costume completed, I realize that I am lacking some accessories to make the final look, well, final. The above mentioned diamond hoops I can use for my costume, but folks would get far to excited at the sight of an engagement ring, regardless of how unreal the stone, and how real the feelings.
So, I have a dilemma. I have my sewing class all day tomorrow, and the Halloween party tomorrow night. The class doesn't get done until 4:30. It's a 20 minute drive home, 30 minutes MINIMUM to get ready, assuming I do my hair in the morning before the class, and then 30 minutes to drive to the party, which starts at six, which leaves me with not much time to run by the *shudder* mall, to get some fake bling to make my costume BLING (with a capital B) ...
My costume, by the way, is fucking fabulous. I wish I could give you a spoiler, but it's that good that I can't. Oh fake diamond dilemma, how will you resolve yourself?
I think I'll work on this problem by having another glass of wine.
And, if you are guessing what my costume is ... My Dad got it in the first try. UNBELIEVABLE!
Yeah, Hooray. I have finished Ramon's Halloween South Park Stan hat in the nick of time. Now, if only I had my costume finished, as well. Mmm, well, I have a few more hours tonight to plug through it. I did get new Serger needles today, and I had a cup of coffee about an hour ago—yes, at 5 pm—so I should be ready to go.
So, other than absolutely hatting Vanna's Choice yarn, which is like knitting with sand-paper, I think that Ramon's Halloween Hat is just about perfect. As I mentioned last night I completely re-did it. I didn't like the pattern that I used, so in the second hat, I made some modifications, mostly making the "straight" part of the blue longer than 2 inches. I made it 5 inches. I felt like the blue part wasn't balanced against the red, and was just too short.
I also decided to post my instructions for making a pom-pom. I had never done one before and for whatever reason, found it hard to find these instructions online.
1. Find an able, and active pom-pom-maker helper (this step is optional)
2. Draw two circles on cardboard. I made mine 4 inch in diameter. 2a. Draw two inner circles inside of the first circles. I made these 1 inch in diameter." 2b. Carefully cut them both out, and cut out the inner circles, making two donuts.
3. Stack the two donuts, one directly on-top of the other
4. Begin wrapping the yarn around and through the donuts. I found that I cutting a few yards of yarn, making a small yarn-ball out of it, and passing it through the hole was the easiest method for getting a lot of yarn through at once, without a lot of unnecessary pulling.
5. Continue wrapping until the entire inner circle is filled. I used one of my new handy crochet hooks to help pull the yarn through as the hole got smaller. I used a tapestry needle to continue when the hole became too small for the crochet hook.
6. Carefully cut around the edge of the circle, between the two pieces of cardboard with very sharp scissors.
7. Pull a piece of yarn between the two pieces of cardboard, and tie tightly in a knot, or four, and then remove the pieces of cardboard.
8. Attach your pom-pom to your garment, only to realize that, while you were trying to make it big and a little cartoony, as it is a Halloween costume, you have made it too big. Let out a sigh, and move onto the next project, as it will take too long to re-make something a half an inch smaller on each side.
If I am really feeling wild and wacky, I'll crochet Stan's eyebrows on. Though, lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So, I have decided to become a baseball fan. No, not a fair weather fan, but an all weather fan. Of course, yes, I am deciding this now that my local team is in the World Series. I actually put a lot of thought into this. Over the summer some of Ramon's friends gave him tickets to a game, as they are season ticket holders and couldn't make it to that game. Well, I had the best time every. Other than our cross-country road-trip it was the summer highlight. Riding on the feeling, I did consider that I might want to become a fan of a team with colors that suited me better than orange and black, but because I had such a fun time at that game at AT&T park I decided to stick with the Giants.
So, last night I watched the game, and worked on my crochet monkey. I finished the body, the cape, and the fez.
Tonight I re-did, and completed Ramon's Halloween hat, with the exception of the red ball that goes on top.
So, half a monkey and a bit-sized jacket and fez versus a whole hat. I am so tired of everyone saying that crochet is so much easier than knitting. I can get through an entire sweater in a week and a half, but a weee monkey?
Ok, ok. I remember how it was when i first started knitting. It took me a month to get through a scarf. Sometimes it is hard to remember and to respect the learning curve. I can see that crochet *will* be easier. In-fact, I even crochet closed Ramon's Halloween hat instead of knitting it, because the hole was so small, and you don't drop stitches in crochet like you do in knitting. So, patience my little monkey. I need to remember that it will take time to feel the same way about my ability to crochet as my ability to knit.
Luckily, with Ramon's hat (almost) done, I am one step closer to Halloween costume success. With our Halloween party only two days away, and with my all day Bernina class on Saturday, I have some really serious Halloween costume finishing to get done tomorrow. OMG! I know I can get it all done but ... I want to get the houndstooth skirt done tomorrow, and the hallway pictures done, too! I am also trying to get my blue McQueen Sweater Dress done before we head off to Kentucky for the Breeder's Cup next week. I think that Thunder, the grey kitten, I am pretty sure will love the ball that will go on Ramon's hat. I wonder, with her joy for playing fetch, will Ramon's hat stay intact long enough to celebrate the main event?
A number of months back a fellow that I knew tried to explain that the day that you took an action that you knew your mother would want you to do, but you did it for you, not her, was the day that you became an adult. Really, only then? And how come your mother was never "right" before? Well, I have been listening to my mom for years, decades even, and for one simple reason. Why learn from your own mistakes, when you can just do the right thing, instead? Mom is always right. We all know this. This truth has never been proven wrong, and will never foreseeably be wrong, so what happened? How could I so daringly and blatantly state that your mom isn't always right????
One word:
Sequins.
"As soon as you cut it, put it through the serger. Depending on how the sequins are sewing the the fabric, they may just come flying off."
Well, the only things that went flying off were the two tips of my serger needles upon plunging twice into my beautiful sequin fabric.
I guess I should back-up some. First off, I finished my Halloween costume in one day, as promised. In-fact, it only took half a day, but I still have the head-piece and shoes to go, so in the end it will equal one day. Started and finished that on Sunday. Then, I decided that since I have my fancy-new block pattern that I should get the sequins off my wall, and onto, well, me! This piece is so simple, yet so complicated. I had to distill the block down into a one-piece front bodice and skirt with no darts, and a super low cowl neck back/skirt piece, and sleeves. That is a lot of moving around of critical shaping elements. A few yards of muslin later, I felt pretty satisfied, but it wasn't until the trip to the grocery store to pick-up ice-cream for my mom that I had a construction epiphany. I finished the pattern and lining last night, leaving the sequins for today. A good day. My mom was here, of-course, until I started sewing.
The cutting went well, I extended the seam-allowances from my pattern 1/8" for additional room while serging. Well, I serged, and that ended quickly. I started thinking that I was really regretting getting the sequins.
Before she left, I gave my mom a tour of the new Bernina. "Wow, this is a real, adult sewing machine. I have been sewing forever, but I have never had an adult sewing machine." Upon experiencing needle-bits from my serger flying around the room—I think I need protective eye-wear—she encouraged me to try sewing it on my trusted and true Bernina. Starting slowly, hand turning the needle for the first few inches, I found that her advice the second time around was spot on. Maybe I just needed to listen for the construction alternative instead of just accepting the first route. See, she was right!
Beautifully maneuvered over and threw sequins, my solid Bernina got the job done, and just at the moment I was ready to give-up on the entire project, especially as it isn't even a McQueen project, even though it is a McQueen Bumster tribute. Fancier that I was originally imagining, I need to find somewhere fabulous to wear this dress. All done but the hem. Oh, how I love the finishing. Next time I get the d200 and tripod set-up to take hallway pictures, I'll take some of this dress on me, too, as it looks better on then on my lumpy, crappy, old dress-form.
Now, my sewing room looks like an ice-skating competition exploded in it. All that aside, I never thought I'd learn so much through sewing sequins, but with the pattern being a delightful, and welcome challenge, and the fabric itself pushing me into new spaces, I had a great time with this quick project, but I think it may be time to give the Roomba a new, dedicated home.
Last week, while I was being bad, busy, and not updating, I finished the back-side of my sweater dress, and I am now almost half way through the front side, just getting to the waist shaping.
Additionally I am making tremendous progress on my first ever crochet project (or as Ramon calls it a "crotch-ette" project), which is appropriately a monkey, for so many reasons.
I made my cheapest ever trip to JoAnns today—yes, even cheaper than getting one invisible zipper—I bought felt, for the face, and googlie-eyes. My mom forced me to get them, sighting that they are far better, and easier to use than making them out of felt or what-have-you, though also indicating that she *still* has the same jar of them laying around from my sister and my Brownie days in Girl Scouts.
Though, as I know she is right, she always is, I got the googlie-eyes, and I know they won't let me down. Perhaps they'll help me keep my eyes, and ears open for the right answer the next time around.
Now I just need to find new serger needles. Mom, care to chime in?
I have knitter's elbow, and wrist! I have been helping out some friends for the past few days, but there is a lot of waiting involved. My arm literally hurts from knitting. So, I have designated tonight a (k)no-knitting-(k)night. I was hoping to get some time in my sewing room, but it looks like I lack the energy and the time for that.
This weekend I finally bit the bullet and finished of my block pattern. 'Bout Damn Time! I had been putting it off because I needed more measurements of my back, one of the things that is just about impossible to measure all on your own. Ramon has been so busy with his own project—his race-car—that he hasn't had a spare moment either. Alas without help, I decided to go it alone. It took a solid two days, but I got it sorted, drafted, and squared. I felt that it was really holding me back not having this done, and it was. I started on some dress patterns as soon as I got the block finalized, and it is coming along nicely. A little McQueen, and a little Halloween.
On the topic of Halloween, since this is the very first time that we will actually be home over Halloween weekend, Ramon and I are getting candy, dressing-up, and carving pumpkins. We also going to a Halloween party the night before. So, we need Halloween costumes. I am knitting this for Ramon's.
Yesterday I tried knitting this same item, and got the blue and the red in the wrong places. To my horror, it wasn't just Ramon's Halloween costume part, but everything I knit yesterday had to be frogged. I started knitting the lace sweater directly from the pattern published in the book, and the whole time I was thinking ... this doesn't seem right. A mere four hours in, I decided to check ravelry to see if other knitters had experienced the same problem with the pattern. They had. In-fact, there was HUGE warning on that pattern's page, saying that the entire pattern was wrong, and it was mis-printed. Lesson learned? Always check the ravelry pattern BEFORE beginning a project to look for comments and posts about weird goings-on.
So, a cookie to anyone who can guess what Ramon is going to be for Halloween.
Due to my large quantity of on-going projects, I have limited this costume to a one-day creation adventure. Project Runway style, what am I going to be, you ask? You'll just have to wait and see.
I was happy to see it finally start raining on Sunday. I don't know what it is, but this year, I was very happy to see the rain come in. I like being all snuggled up inside, and I guess with so much knitting and sewing I felt like I wanted the visual cue of the season that it was time to be inside, snuggled and warm, busy as a little bee. I did decide to go out on Sunday to take advantage of the 50% off any regularly priced item coupon I had acquired from Joann's. Buying a bolt of muslin for $1 a yard is awesome. Having the poor girl at the counter have to measure all 25 yards because the bolt has been opened, and we're not sure if cut from, not so awesome. Sorry! After the muslin bargin bang I headed over to my local yarn shop, as I figured out how many skeins I will need for my McQueen blue sweater dress. 15. Running through the rain, I noticed Oktoberfest going on, on the main downtown street. Soggy beer and pretzels for everyone! Oh wait, those both contain wheat. Another bummer, I get to the yarn store and it is ... CLOSED! Feeling bummed, but eager to get on with knitting my project I searched the farest corners of the interweb to try to find Cascade Cloud 9 in Blue (colorway 140). No dice. Not one skein. Not one. Anywhere. How can this be? I know the yarn store had quite a bit of it, so how can there be none anywhere else int he world? Oh no! And I won't be able to make it to the store again until NEXT weekend. How can I possibly wait another week? It could all be gone by then. What if they're already all gone? I find this yarn I love, and this yarn that is perfect for the project ... oh, unnecessary anxiety attack, I feel you approaching. Damn you festival, why do you create enough cause for my yarn store to be closed?
Ramon calmly asked, in my hysterics, "Do they keep your customer information? Like, do they have a file for you?" I respond, "Yes."
"Well, if they have you on file, they have all of your yarn purchases on file. Why don't you call them, leave them a message, tell them what you are looking for, tell them you want to pay over the phone, and have me pick it up for you?"
Brilliant. Plan worked. The accounting lady actually went in on Sunday night to pick something up, listened to the messages, and took care of the yarn over the phone. They had all 14 (more) skeins. Knitting like a little beaver, I am almost through with the back "skirt."
I know I say this all the time, but oh how I love yarn people.
Oh, and I couldn't leave this out. Thunder says, "Hello, I am Thunder, and I am a laundry-basket addict. I don't care about fur-ing up the warm clothes, I just can't get enough of the baskets. I know I have a problem."
